I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
