I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
