Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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