I puked a lego.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize