I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
