Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
