Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
