Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
