YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Randomize
