Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
