at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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