I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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