how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
