I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I love having hate sex.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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