the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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