Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
