He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
stop calling my apartment porn island.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
