we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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