I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
