How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize