No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sorry about my life...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
