Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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