I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Drunk is not a location!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
