im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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