I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
