i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
