so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He shit in the fireplace
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
