i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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