I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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