people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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