Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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