I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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