If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
