I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
