Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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