I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize