I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
