you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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