I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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