Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
