Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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