At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
