T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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