He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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