I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Holy shit dude........stairs
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