i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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