i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
