I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
