it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
