Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize