Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize