Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
