sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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