so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
These tits shall not be calmed
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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