i wish there were pregnant emoticons
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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