HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize