Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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