oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
