those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
