physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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